I’m sure you’ve said at some point that a person has “overstepped your boundaries” but what exactly are these invisible lines in the sand?
Boundaries are what behaviors you will and will not accept. They tell others what is okay and not okay to do with you.
You can have all kinds of boundaries and you should! From professional life to your social life, boundaries protect your mental and emotional health and are a form of self-care.
It’s especially important to know what your personal boundaries in relationships are. The way your partner respects (or ignores!) your boundaries will show you if the relationship is worth continuing.
Set Personal Boundaries in Relationships to Improve Your Dating Life
In a world of ghosting, Instagram and endless swiping, setting personal boundaries in a relationship are crucial to protecting your inner peace, sanity and happiness.
Personal boundaries also give you insight on your dating deal-breakers. Sometimes you put on your love goggles and ignore red flags. You allow a guy to push you to your emotional limits because you see a potential future with them. I’m here to tell you that it’s 2020 and that behavior is hereby canceled.
You must have boundaries in place to protect your energy and know when to walk away because those lines are being crossed. Your personal boundaries in relationships are based on your core values.
Once you’ve determined what your boundaries are, you have to do the equally important task of upholding your personal boundaries by refusing to allow someone to cross them
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How to Set Your Personal Boundaries
Self-awareness is necessary to set your boundaries. You gotta know how you want to be treated. And what treatment is going to make you feel like shit.
Answer these questions:
What are your top 3 core values? What do you absolutely need in a relationship?
Some examples: Trust, Honesty, Loyalty, Accountability, Respect, Communication, Compassion, Attention
Your core values are what you 100% need to be happy in a relationship. Of course all of these values are ideal, but your core values are your non-negotiables. In other words, if you and your partner don’t share these values, it’s just never going to work out.
Now based on your core values, complete this statement to set your personal boundary.
Because I value ________ I will not tolerate ___________ in a relationship.
Because I value honesty, I will not tolerate lying in a relationship.
Because I value accountability, I will not tolerate a guy who can never say sorry in a relationship.
Because I value communication, I will not tolerate a guy who ignores my texts all day in a relationship.
Remember your boundaries don’t have to be lenient! Don’t try to force yourself to accept more than you honestly can. Pushing yourself to accept more than you can is going to backfire fast.
If it hurts you to see the guy you’re dating comment heart eyes under other girls’ Insta pics, let him know! One of your core values is loyalty and that shit isn’t loyal!
Standing up for yourself and protecting your peace may feel strange because you will be cutting more people off with or without warning. It be like that sometimes when people can’t act right. Your emotional health and happiness is the number one priority, babe!
I actually just blocked a Tinder guy I started talking to because he overstepped my boundaries. Even after my warning!
One of my core values is respect so name-calling is not okay to me, even in jest. I am admittedly sensitive about name-calling because of my past relationship but my future partner will just have to accept that. Don’t call me fucking names!! Lol
Within a span of 10 minutes, the dude called me a weirdo and a creep, rubbing me the wrong way. I’m all about communication so I told him to stop calling me names because I am sensitive. He laughed it off and said okay. Literally, a couple minutes later he calls me a dummy and that was it! Hit him with that swift block.
There was no need to entertain a person who clearly did not care about my boundaries. I understand that he was joking but I’m not making excuses for guys who hurt my feelings! You shouldn’t either.
Here’s a recap of what I want you to take from my short tale:
COMMUNICATE your boundaries. No one can read your mind about what you consider disrespectful or hurtful. Inform guys you’re dating about your personal boundaries early on. It sets the standard for later.
WARN someone when they are overstepping your boundaries and hurting you/making you feel uncomfortable. This step is optional, girl. You don’t have to give second chances if it was a huge violation.
LEAVE if the person continues to overstep your boundaries. Gtfo out of there, b! That is not the person for you because it shows they don’t care. Dating is meant to show you if you are compatible with a person and overstepped boundaries is a huge red flag!
Knowing what your boundaries are is one thing but upholding and honoring them is another.
You are honoring yourself when you don’t allow someone to disrespect you, hurt you or cross your clearly stated lines.
Love yourself enough to adhere to your personal boundaries. It’ll show you who is meant to be in your life and who can hit the road!