{"id":569,"date":"2020-04-05T23:52:25","date_gmt":"2020-04-05T23:52:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/?p=569"},"modified":"2021-10-08T01:02:46","modified_gmt":"2021-10-08T01:02:46","slug":"lessons-learned-after-my-4-year-toxic-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/lessons-learned-after-my-4-year-toxic-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Lessons Learned after My 4 Year Toxic Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Get my <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/product\/fck-your-ex-breakup-workbook\/\" target=\"_blank\">F*ck Your Ex Breakup Workbook<\/a> or read <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/fck-your-ex-a-break-up-work\/\" target=\"_blank\">this post <\/a>to learn more about it! ????<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" data-src=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/fck-your-ex-featured-image-1.1-1024x536.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1582 lazyload\" width=\"410\" height=\"214\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/fck-your-ex-featured-image-1.1-1024x536.png 1024w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/fck-your-ex-featured-image-1.1-300x157.png 300w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/fck-your-ex-featured-image-1.1-768x402.png 768w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/fck-your-ex-featured-image-1.1-600x314.png 600w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/fck-your-ex-featured-image-1.1.png 1200w\" data-sizes=\"(max-width: 410px) 100vw, 410px\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 410px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 410\/214;\" \/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/fck-your-ex-featured-image-1.1-1024x536.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1582\" width=\"410\" height=\"214\" srcset=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/fck-your-ex-featured-image-1.1-1024x536.png 1024w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/fck-your-ex-featured-image-1.1-300x157.png 300w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/fck-your-ex-featured-image-1.1-768x402.png 768w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/fck-your-ex-featured-image-1.1-600x314.png 600w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/fck-your-ex-featured-image-1.1.png 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 410px) 100vw, 410px\" \/><\/noscript><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>I always daydreamed of finding the<strong>&nbsp;perfect boyfriend<\/strong>&nbsp;and falling in love growing up. I wanted my Prince Charming and to have that perfect fairy tale ending. I would soon learn that real-life relationships are not all rainbows and sunshine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I have been dealing with the aftermath of my&nbsp;<strong>toxic four-year relationship<\/strong>&nbsp;for a little more than a year now. I feel the need to share because I know just how&nbsp;<strong>easy it is to suffer in silence<\/strong>&nbsp;and pretend like everything is fine. I kept myself closed off for almost four years because I did not want people to know the emotional abuse I was getting from my ex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I thought it was&nbsp;<strong>embarrassing<\/strong>&nbsp;that I was allowing someone to mistreat me so badly and thought I could somehow fix it. Make him better. Make him respect me. Fix the relationship. I know now sometimes you really just have to cut your losses and let go but I was young when we first started dating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I had the usual 17-year old girl dreams of marrying him and living together happily ever after and that was a very hard fantasy for me to let go of. Maybe that is why I stayed in a shitty relationship for so long.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I am still&nbsp;<strong>traumatized<\/strong>&nbsp;by the words he threw at me and the hate he poured into me. He called me every name you could think of when he was angry (which was a lot). He spat in my face, threw around \u201cbitch\u201d and \u201ccunt\u201d a countless number of times but being called a \u201cni**er\u201d by the person who was supposed to love me truly hurt the most.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I have no idea how that man could be so venomous towards me one second and then turn around and pretend like he cared about me the next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I should have broken up with him the very first time he ever called me out of my name. I still feel stupid for letting myself get constantly disrespected but looking back I was literally living like an&nbsp;<strong>emotional zombie<\/strong>. I had emotionally numbed myself so the words he threw at me would not hurt as much. I learned not to be surprised when he lashed out at me and just blocked out any hurt I felt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I am mad that I wasted all four years of my college experience with him. I refer to my college years as my Dark Age. I was consistently sad, upset and lonely. I essentially<strong>&nbsp;socially isolated myself<\/strong>&nbsp;in college because I spent all my time with him instead of building relationships with any of the amazing students on my campus. A side effect of that was I really had no girlfriends to vent to about my ex or any outside voices to tell me that my relationship was not normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It was my first and only relationship so I thought that fighting was a part of any relationship. But it is<strong>&nbsp;not normal<\/strong>&nbsp;to feel so&nbsp;<strong>distraught, emotionally drained and scared<\/strong>&nbsp;in a healthy relationship. 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data-src=\"https:\/\/bucket.mlcdn.com\/a\/1955\/1955898\/images\/774b4b77ebc2d69768989f9dfea4f9e00c7a5512.png\" border=\"0\" style=\"display:block\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\"><noscript><img src=\"https:\/\/bucket.mlcdn.com\/a\/1955\/1955898\/images\/774b4b77ebc2d69768989f9dfea4f9e00c7a5512.png\" border=\"0\" style=\"display:block\"><\/noscript>\n        <style>\n          @media only screen and (max-width:520px){.ml-form-embedHeader{display:none!important}}\n        <\/style>\n      <\/div>\n      <div class=\"ml-form-embedBody ml-form-embedBodyDefault row-form\">\n        <div class=\"ml-form-embedContent\" style=\"\">\n          <h4>From Breakup to Boss Up<\/h4>\n          <p><span style=\"font-size:16px\">Move on from your ex, start healing and looking forward to a bomb ass future!<\/span><\/p>\n        <\/div>\n        <form class=\"ml-block-form\" action=\"https:\/\/app.mailerlite.com\/webforms\/submit\/w4t4v2\" data-code=\"w4t4v2\" method=\"post\" target=\"_blank\">\n          <div class=\"ml-form-formContent\">\n            <div class=\"ml-form-fieldRow\">\n              <div class=\"ml-field-group ml-field-name\">\n                <input type=\"text\" class=\"form-control\" data-inputmask=\"\" name=\"fields[name]\" placeholder=\"Name\" autocomplete=\"name\">\n              <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n            <div class=\"ml-form-fieldRow ml-last-item\">\n              <div class=\"ml-field-group ml-field-email ml-validate-email ml-validate-required\">\n                <input type=\"email\" class=\"form-control\" data-inputmask=\"\" name=\"fields[email]\" placeholder=\"Email\" autocomplete=\"email\">\n              <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n          <\/div>\n          <input type=\"hidden\" name=\"ml-submit\" value=\"1\">\n          <div class=\"ml-form-embedSubmit\">\n            <button type=\"submit\" class=\"primary\">Subscribe<\/button>\n            <button disabled=\"disabled\" style=\"display:none\" type=\"button\" class=\"loading\"> <div class=\"ml-form-embedSubmitLoad\"><div><\/div><div><\/div><div><\/div><div><\/div><\/div> <\/button>\n          <\/div>\n        <\/form>\n      <\/div>\n      <div class=\"ml-form-successBody row-success\" style=\"display:none\">\n        <div class=\"ml-form-successContent\">\n          <h4>Sending healing vibes!<\/h4>\n          <p>Things will get better, babe. Thanks for joining the community! Your challenge will arrive soon.&nbsp;<\/p>\n        <\/div>\n      <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n  <\/div>\n<\/div>\n<script>\n  function ml_webform_success_2130312(){var r=ml_jQuery||jQuery;r(\".ml-subscribe-form-2130312 .row-success\").show(),r(\".ml-subscribe-form-2130312 .row-form\").hide()}\n<\/script>\n<img loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/track.mailerlite.com\/webforms\/o\/2130312\/w4t4v2?vee71a8848f3cc4af6b2730283dbdc659\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" style=\"max-width:1px;max-height:1px;visibility:hidden;padding:0;margin:0;display:block\" alt=\".\" border=\"0\">\n<script src=\"https:\/\/static.mailerlite.com\/js\/w\/webforms.min.js?vee71a8848f3cc4af6b2730283dbdc659\" type=\"text\/javascript\"><\/script>\n\n\n\n<p>I became something I never thought I would be\u2026a liar. I would tell him what he wanted to hear in attempts to avoid fights which would ultimately backfire and end up in a fight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We would break up and makeup almost every other week. It was exhausting. It was depressing.&nbsp;<strong>It was low.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Yet I stayed and just coped with all the bad. Why you ask? Lol I ask myself the same thing.&nbsp;<strong>I didn\u2019t think I would find anyone else<\/strong>. I was scared of being alone after having a boyfriend for so long.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My self-confidence was lower than it ever had been in my life. That was to be expected when you have someone often telling you that you are stupid, worthless and won\u2019t amount to anything. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I told myself that I was strong to be able to put up with someone so mean and that I could teach him how to treat me. But seriously that was never going to happen.&nbsp;<strong>A person has to want to change.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Even with all the bad times, we did have good times and I considered him to be my closest friend. I was just so attached to him and I did not want to leave the relationship even though I knew in my heart that I really needed to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It took a combination of two things to finally get me to see the light. One was the escalation from just verbal abuse to&nbsp;<strong>physical abuse.<\/strong>&nbsp;We went on a trip to Europe together and one night in our hotel room he angrily got in my face. I can\u2019t even remember why he was mad but I remember how he made feel in the moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Red in the face and eyes wild, he warned me that I better sleep with one eye open because he wanted to hurt me. I had never actually been terrified to sleep next to him but I did not sleep at all that night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A couple of days later he&nbsp;<strong>got violent<\/strong>&nbsp;with me in public. He shoved me up against a brick wall and called me a ni**er once again. He squeezed my arms so tightly that they throbbed for hours after he let go. I cried through the streets of Venice that day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He<strong>&nbsp;never showed remorse<\/strong>&nbsp;for his behavior and only blamed me for making him act that way. To this very moment, I am still angry that he never gave me a sincere apology for putting his hands on me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Even with these two physical incidents, I still considered going to live with him in Colorado. He sold it to me as a way to start fresh together and \u201clive the life we always wanted.\u201d It took my mom literally screaming at me to see things clearly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My lovely mother told me to stop being&nbsp;<strong>EMOTIONALLY NUMB!!<\/strong>&nbsp;I had finally been telling her what was going on with my ex and she knew the relationship was no good so she kept it completely real with me. 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button{background-color:#f6c138!important;border:none!important;border-radius:4px!important;box-shadow:none!important;color:#fff!important;cursor:pointer;font-family:'Open Sans',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif!important;font-size:14px!important;font-weight:700!important;line-height:21px!important;height:auto;padding:10px!important;width:100%!important;box-sizing:border-box!important}#mlb2-2123628.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedSubmit button.loading{display:none}#mlb2-2123628.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedSubmit button:hover{background-color:#f6c138!important}.ml-subscribe-close{width:30px;height:30px;background:url(https:\/\/bucket.mlcdn.com\/images\/default\/modal_close.png) no-repeat;background-size:30px;cursor:pointer;margin-top:-10px;margin-right:-10px;position:absolute;top:0;right:0}.ml-error input{background:url(https:\/\/bucket.mlcdn.com\/images\/default\/error-icon.png) 98% center no-repeat #fff!important;background-size:24px 24px!important}.ml-error .label-description,.ml-error .label-description p,.ml-error .label-description p a,.ml-error label:first-child{color:red!important}#mlb2-2123628.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow.ml-error .label-description p,#mlb2-2123628.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow.ml-error .label-description p:first-letter{color:red!important}@media only screen and (max-width:550px){.ml-form-embedWrapper.embedDefault,.ml-form-embedWrapper.embedPopup{width:100%!important}.ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm{float:left!important}.ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow{height:auto!important;width:100%!important;float:left!important}.ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow .ml-input-horizontal{width:100%!important}.ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow .ml-input-horizontal>div{padding-right:0!important;padding-bottom:10px}.ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-button-horizontal{width:100%!important}.ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-button-horizontal.labelsOn{padding-top:0!important}}\n<\/style>\n<div id=\"mlb2-2123628\" class=\"ml-form-embedContainer ml-subscribe-form ml-subscribe-form-2123628\">\n  <div class=\"ml-form-align-center\">\n    <div class=\"ml-form-embedWrapper embedForm\">\n      <div class=\"ml-form-embedHeader\">\n        <img data-src=\"https:\/\/bucket.mlcdn.com\/a\/1955\/1955898\/images\/b50743c9e225a27198c549b26e6457da62b04cc1.png\" border=\"0\" style=\"display:block\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\"><noscript><img src=\"https:\/\/bucket.mlcdn.com\/a\/1955\/1955898\/images\/b50743c9e225a27198c549b26e6457da62b04cc1.png\" border=\"0\" style=\"display:block\"><\/noscript>\n        <style>\n          @media only screen and (max-width:550px){.ml-form-embedHeader{display:none!important}}\n        <\/style>\n      <\/div>\n      <div class=\"ml-form-embedBody ml-form-embedBodyDefault row-form\">\n        <div class=\"ml-form-embedContent\" style=\"\">\n          <h4>Want to Be Happier?<\/h4>\n          <p><span style=\"font-size:16px\">Boss Up!&nbsp;Get self-care tips, real talk and no-BS advice to being the best you straight to your inbox!<\/span><\/p>\n        <\/div>\n        <form class=\"ml-block-form\" action=\"https:\/\/app.mailerlite.com\/webforms\/submit\/v4d2o5\" data-code=\"v4d2o5\" method=\"post\" target=\"_blank\">\n          <div class=\"ml-form-formContent\">\n            <div class=\"ml-form-fieldRow\">\n              <div class=\"ml-field-group ml-field-name\">\n                <input type=\"text\" class=\"form-control\" data-inputmask=\"\" name=\"fields[name]\" placeholder=\"Name\" autocomplete=\"name\">\n              <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n            <div class=\"ml-form-fieldRow ml-last-item\">\n              <div class=\"ml-field-group ml-field-email ml-validate-email ml-validate-required\">\n                <input type=\"email\" class=\"form-control\" data-inputmask=\"\" name=\"fields[email]\" placeholder=\"Email\" autocomplete=\"email\">\n              <\/div>\n            <\/div>\n          <\/div>\n          <input type=\"hidden\" name=\"ml-submit\" value=\"1\">\n          <div class=\"ml-form-embedSubmit\">\n            <button type=\"submit\" class=\"primary\">Yes Please!<\/button>\n            <button disabled=\"disabled\" style=\"display:none\" type=\"button\" class=\"loading\"> <div class=\"ml-form-embedSubmitLoad\"><div><\/div><div><\/div><div><\/div><div><\/div><\/div> <\/button>\n          <\/div>\n        <\/form>\n      <\/div>\n      <div class=\"ml-form-successBody row-success\" style=\"display:none\">\n        <div class=\"ml-form-successContent\">\n          <h4>Yay, thank you!<\/h4>\n          <p>Welcome to the community! Talk to you soon!<\/p>\n        <\/div>\n      <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n  <\/div>\n<\/div>\n<script>\n  function ml_webform_success_2123628(){var r=ml_jQuery||jQuery;r(\".ml-subscribe-form-2123628 .row-success\").show(),r(\".ml-subscribe-form-2123628 .row-form\").hide()}\n<\/script>\n<img loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/track.mailerlite.com\/webforms\/o\/2123628\/v4d2o5?vee71a8848f3cc4af6b2730283dbdc659\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" style=\"max-width:1px;max-height:1px;visibility:hidden;padding:0;margin:0;display:block\" alt=\".\" border=\"0\">\n<script src=\"https:\/\/static.mailerlite.com\/js\/w\/webforms.min.js?vee71a8848f3cc4af6b2730283dbdc659\" type=\"text\/javascript\"><\/script>\n\n\n\n<p>I numbed myself to all his words and actions and just blocked them out so they wouldn\u2019t hurt me. I kept my heart safe that way so when I took the shield down and thought about everything he had done to me&nbsp;<strong>the decision was simple.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That man honestly probably would have beat my ass if I moved in with him. I was headed down a bad path and I decided I needed to re-write the script.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Within a week of that conversation with my mom, I&nbsp;<strong>cut communication<\/strong>&nbsp;with him cold turkey and blocked him everywhere. He thought I was kidding when I texted him my final goodbye but I wasn\u2019t. I<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He once taunted me how I was like&nbsp;<strong>a sad, abused puppy<\/strong>&nbsp;and that he could kick me knowing I would always come back. That remark made things so much easier because it fueled my desire to never speak to him again. He knew how terrible and manipulative he was to me and threw it in my face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I finally,&nbsp;<strong>FINALLY<\/strong>&nbsp;accepted that this person was not my best friend because a true friend would never purposely try to hurt me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>All these emotions have been brought to the forefront of my mind because my ex reared his ugly head yet again. He made a fake Facebook profile and pretended that we went to the same high school just to trick me into talking to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I have not attempted to contact him since our breakup in Nov. 2018 so I am not sure why he won\u2019t leave me the fuck alone. It is crazy because every time I am at a place where I am not thinking about him at all, he pops back up and memories flood back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Even with a new life across the country from me and a new girlfriend, he still finds time to&nbsp;<strong>play mind games<\/strong>&nbsp;with me. A part of me wanted to engage with him and take the opportunity to give him a piece of my mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That was old Krystal coming through. She would engage knowing that&nbsp;<strong>nothing good would<\/strong>&nbsp;come from the conversation. Now, I am at a point where I am really not here for the drama.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Talking to him would make him my present instead of leaving him in the past where he belongs. I guess when someone constantly knocks you down for years, you don\u2019t really feel like catching up with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I am living my&nbsp;<strong>life in the sun<\/strong>&nbsp;now. No more hiding and secrets and shame. It feels absolutely amazing and I am doing so much better mentally and emotionally without him around. I try not to have regrets but to just reflect on my past and make better choices in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" data-src=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-489 lazyload\" width=\"357\" height=\"268\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-600x450.jpg 600w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-1024x768.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-768x576.jpg 768w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-510x382.jpg 510w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-1080x810.jpg 1080w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-980x735.jpg 980w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-480x360.jpg 480w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146.jpg 1131w\" data-sizes=\"(max-width: 357px) 100vw, 357px\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 357px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 357\/268;\" \/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-489\" width=\"357\" height=\"268\" srcset=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-600x450.jpg 600w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-1024x768.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-768x576.jpg 768w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-510x382.jpg 510w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-1080x810.jpg 1080w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-980x735.jpg 980w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146-480x360.jpg 480w, https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/IMG_8146.jpg 1131w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 357px) 100vw, 357px\" \/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><em><strong>Lastly, for those of you who may be unhappy in your current relationship or struggling to get out of a bad relationship or not even in a relationship at all, I leave you with my lessons learned\u2026.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2><strong>YOU CAN AND WILL FIND LOVE<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>What you\u2019re going through right now is not love. Love should not hurt so much. Do not listen to him when he says you won\u2019t find anyone else. That is just a tactic to manipulate you into staying with him. You are a whole catch! Take as long as you need to heal and keep an open heart. Not all guys are the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2><strong>YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE DISRESPECTED<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>There is absolutely no reason for it. Partners try to build each other up and they definitely do not make each other feel like shit. Your partner should not be calling you names, threatening you or constantly criticizing you. There is someone out there who will treat you properly no matter how they are feeling in the moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2><strong>YOUR RELATIONSHIP SHOULD NOT FEEL LIKE AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>One day things are good but the next day they are not. You are crying or sad all the time and your relationship is unstable. Get off the ride girl.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2><strong>STOP IGNORING THE RED FLAGS<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>It is soooo easy to make excuses and look over red flags when you are in a relationship. Self-reflection is important. Ask yourself what advice you would give to someone being treated the same way you are. If you would tell that person to end the relationship, then you should probably take your own advice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2><strong>YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When I tell you I am stubborn and could not accept this! There was literally nothing I could have done to get him to respect me. How a person treats you is a reflection of them and not you so THEY have to want to change. When you are constantly asking someone to change their toxic behavior and they do not, please understand that they really do not care about you that much. Hard truth but the truth all the same. Do not be satisfied with words unaccompanied by actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2><strong>TALK TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Do not keep everything bottled up or make your boyfriend your entire social life. You need friends and outside people that you can talk to who will be honest with you. After a tough breakup, a support system will keep you strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2><strong>MAKE SURE YOU SHARE THE SAME VALUES<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I think this is one of the most important lessons I learned. We were raised differently, to say the least, and that played a major role in why we differed so greatly in how we spoke to one another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2><strong>YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN TO BE HAPPY<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>From a young age, girls are exposed to shows, movies, music that tell us we need to find Prince Charming and that we need him to be happy. I am still grappling with this one myself but I am learning that happiness has to start from within. Self-love and discovering what makes you happy is super important. I am happier now without him than I have been in years. I can finally breathe!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2><strong>DON\u2019T LET HIM DULL YOUR SPARKLE<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I swear I feel like I am myself again. I lost her there for a little bit because when you have a gray cloud hovering over you, you tend to shrink down to stay away from the storm. Be with someone who helps you shine, babe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img data-src=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/protect-your-peace-300x300.png\" alt=\"\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 300px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 300\/300;\" \/><noscript><img src=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/protect-your-peace-300x300.png\" alt=\"\"\/><\/noscript><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Protect your peace, ladies! Don\u2019t let any man mess up your day, life or most importantly your happiness or mental health.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Chase dreams not dudes, take care of yourself and remember you are responsible for your own happiness. I\u2019m putting all of my energy right now into this blog and creating a business from the ground up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Check out some of my other posts! <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/signs-you-are-in-a-toxic-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\" aria-label=\" (opens in a new tab)\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\">21 Warning Signs You&#8217;re In a Toxic Relationship <\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a aria-label=\"3 Reasons You Stay in a Toxic Relationship  (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/reasons-you-stay-in-a-toxic-relationship-and-why-you-need-to-leave-anyway\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\">Reasons You Stay in a Toxic Relationship and Why You Need to Leave Anyway<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a aria-label=\"3 Reasons Why Being Single is the Best (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/why-being-single-is-actually-a-good-thing\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\">3 Amazin<\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/why-being-single-is-actually-a-good-thing\/\" target=\"_blank\" aria-label=\"3 Reasons Why Being Single is the Best (opens in a new tab)\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\">g<\/a><a aria-label=\"3 Reasons Why Being Single is the Best (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/why-being-single-is-actually-a-good-thing\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\"> Reasons Why Being Single is the Best<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a aria-label=\"How to Escape The Dreaded Talking Stage (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/how-to-escape-the-talking-phase-of-dating\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\">How to Escape The Dreaded Talking Stage<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep glowin\u2019,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Kay<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Get my F*ck Your Ex Breakup Workbook or read this post to learn more about it! ???? I always daydreamed of finding the&nbsp;perfect boyfriend&nbsp;and falling in love growing up. I wanted my Prince Charming and to have that perfect fairy tale ending. I would soon learn that real-life relationships are not all rainbows and sunshine. I have been dealing with the aftermath of my&nbsp;toxic four-year relationship&nbsp;for a little more than a year now. I feel the need to share because I know just how&nbsp;easy it is to suffer in silence&nbsp;and pretend like everything is fine. I kept myself closed off for almost four years because I did not want people to know the emotional abuse I was getting from my ex. I thought it was&nbsp;embarrassing&nbsp;that I was allowing someone to mistreat me so badly and thought I could somehow fix it. Make him better. Make him respect me. Fix the relationship. I know now sometimes you really just have to cut your losses and let go but I was young when we first started dating. I had the usual 17-year old girl dreams of marrying him and living together happily ever after and that was a very hard fantasy for me to let go of. Maybe that is why I stayed in a shitty relationship for so long. I am still&nbsp;traumatized&nbsp;by the words he threw at me and the hate he poured into me. He called me every name you could think of when he was angry (which was a lot). He spat in my face, threw around \u201cbitch\u201d and \u201ccunt\u201d a countless number of times but being called a \u201cni**er\u201d by the person who was supposed to love me truly hurt the most. I have no idea how that man could be so venomous towards me one second and then turn around and pretend like he cared about me the next. I should have broken up with him the very first time he ever called me out of my name. I still feel stupid for letting myself get constantly disrespected but looking back I was literally living like an&nbsp;emotional zombie. I had emotionally numbed myself so the words he threw at me would not hurt as much. I learned not to be surprised when he lashed out at me and just blocked out any hurt I felt. I am mad that I wasted all four years of my college experience with him. I refer to my college years as my Dark Age. I was consistently sad, upset and lonely. I essentially&nbsp;socially isolated myself&nbsp;in college because I spent all my time with him instead of building relationships with any of the amazing students on my campus. A side effect of that was I really had no girlfriends to vent to about my ex or any outside voices to tell me that my relationship was not normal. It was my first and only relationship so I thought that fighting was a part of any relationship. But it is&nbsp;not normal&nbsp;to feel so&nbsp;distraught, emotionally drained and scared&nbsp;in a healthy relationship. He would blow up on me all the time to the point I would have anxiety about when it would happen next. I became something I never thought I would be\u2026a liar. I would tell him what he wanted to hear in attempts to avoid fights which would ultimately backfire and end up in a fight. We would break up and makeup almost every other week. It was exhausting. It was depressing.&nbsp;It was low. Yet I stayed and just coped with all the bad. Why you ask? Lol I ask myself the same thing.&nbsp;I didn\u2019t think I would find anyone else. I was scared of being alone after having a boyfriend for so long. My self-confidence was lower than it ever had been in my life. That was to be expected when you have someone often telling you that you are stupid, worthless and won\u2019t amount to anything. I told myself that I was strong to be able to put up with someone so mean and that I could teach him how to treat me. But seriously that was never going to happen.&nbsp;A person has to want to change. Even with all the bad times, we did have good times and I considered him to be my closest friend. I was just so attached to him and I did not want to leave the relationship even though I knew in my heart that I really needed to. It took a combination of two things to finally get me to see the light. One was the escalation from just verbal abuse to&nbsp;physical abuse.&nbsp;We went on a trip to Europe together and one night in our hotel room he angrily got in my face. I can\u2019t even remember why he was mad but I remember how he made feel in the moment. Red in the face and eyes wild, he warned me that I better sleep with one eye open because he wanted to hurt me. I had never actually been terrified to sleep next to him but I did not sleep at all that night. A couple of days later he&nbsp;got violent&nbsp;with me in public. He shoved me up against a brick wall and called me a ni**er once again. He squeezed my arms so tightly that they throbbed for hours after he let go. I cried through the streets of Venice that day. He&nbsp;never showed remorse&nbsp;for his behavior and only blamed me for making him act that way. To this very moment, I am still angry that he never gave me a sincere apology for putting his hands on me. Even with these two physical incidents, I still considered going to live with him in Colorado. He sold it to me as a way to start fresh together and \u201clive the life we always wanted.\u201d It took my mom literally screaming at me to see things clearly. My lovely mother told me to stop being&nbsp;EMOTIONALLY NUMB!!&nbsp;I had finally been telling her what [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":473,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":""},"categories":[113,71],"tags":[51,57,7,50],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/569"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=569"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/569\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1870,"href":"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/569\/revisions\/1870"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/473"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=569"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=569"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breathehustleglow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=569"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}