When I got out of my 4-year relationship, I was confused af about the new dating lingo. I had no idea about this new stage of a relationship called “talking.” Someone asked me if I was talking to anyone and I was like “Um yea…I talk to people literally every day of my life whatchu mean?” Lol
I soon learned that there was this new stage of a relationship where you and a guy are “talking.” It has various meanings depending on who you ask but generally, there is consensus on two things.
First, the talking stage involves getting to know someone whether it be through text or in-person meetings.
Second, there is no commitment at the talking stage. You can be talking to multiple people at once with zero guilt.
Did you notice how I said “in-person meetings” before? I literally could not use the word date. Our generation is kinda fucked up and is scared of the word date. I guess I shouldn’t say fucked up…our perception of relationships has changed.
Now, the term “dating” means that you are in a serious, committed relationship whereas in past generations dating just meant getting to know different people you had a romantic interest in.
Basically, talking is the new dating, and dating is the new word for in a relationship. Oh, how times have changed! Lol, my degree is in sociology so I am overly interested in these generational societal changes.
Alright, I will put my nerdy side away for now and get to the stuff you came here for. How do you survive the talking stage without constantly getting your feelings hurt?
Here are 7 talking stage tips to avoid constant heartache!
DON’T BE CLINGY…CHILL!!
That dude you are talking to is not your boyfriend. Give him space and don’t be overly available.
Guys are programmed to chase after women and he can’t do that if you are texting him 24/7. Men also just don’t like clingy or desperate women. I mean, does anyone really like clingy or desperate people?
Guys also play mental games so when he takes hours to reply do not start double and triple texting him. Just play it cool. Let him take his time to reply and you do the same.
Don’t ask him where he is at 3 am on a Saturday.
Don’t make passive-aggressive posts about him on Insta or Snapchat.
You’re above that shit. If he truly likes you, he will text you back, especially when he sees you are absolutely unbothered.
LEAVE JEALOUSY AT THE DOOR
Listen, I am going to make things very, very easy for you.
Always assume that a guy is talking to other people. You are not the only love interest in his life. So yea, when he isn’t replying to you quickly maybe he is talking to someone else. Or maybe he is just busy and can’t be on his phone.
Either way, who cares? It’s not your place to be jealous in the talking stage. Go talk to the other guys on your roster.
Being jealous is such a bad feeling and leads to insecurity and irrational behavior. You already know that it’s early on in the relationship.
So, don’t be jealous, go talk to someone else and play the field.
If it has been a while, and you really like him, boss up and tell him that you want to make things official. Honest communication can usually solve problems pretty quickly 😉
DO NOT TREAT HIM LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND
GIRL, I really had to learn this the hard way. Stop investing so much into someone who has not committed to you or made you his girlfriend!!
My dumb ass was literally giving hundreds of dollars to a dude I was talking to. He ran into some money/car trouble so I would drive him places, pick him up, and lend him money to sustain his business. He had a habit of disappearing on me and I would be so stressed about getting my money back.
Financial support is GIRLFRIEND shit. Although things seemed serious between us, he still very well could have been talking to other girls because technically I was not his girlfriend.
With this guy, I was also doing cute girlfriend shit like buying him sappy presents on Valentine’s Day. Of course, I was disappointed when he didn’t give me anything in return.
As a matter of fact, he did. He handed me a single rose that HIS MOM bought for him to give to me. Lmao, these guys really ain’t shit.
The bottom line is don’t give him the boyfriend treatment until he is your official boyfriend. If the milk is free they sure aren’t going to buy the cow.
IT IS OKAY TO PLAY THE FIELD
There is no commitment in this stage and both of you can talk to as many people you want. For me, that meant I was talking to just that one guy while he was talking to a whole roster of girls.
Lmao fuck me, right?
Don’t be completely loyal to a guy and put all your eggs in one basket when he isn’t doing the same for you. It’s perfectly fine to text multiple guys and keep your options open.
Seriously, I have spoken to guys who have told me they are talking to a girl that they really like and want to make their girlfriend. Yet, when I asked if she was the only person they were talking to, the answer was a resounding NO.
Things are not official until they are, so remember you’re free to do whatever and protect your heart to some extent.
DON’T SET HIM UP TO SAY SOMETHING CUTE
I really had to throw this one in here because my work wife and I do this shit all the time and hurt our own feelings lol. Y’know how you sometimes set up a guy to say something cute and it completely backfires?
Kay: Ugh, I look so bad today.
Guy: No way, you always look beautiful ❤️
Kay: Ugh, I look so bad today.
Guy: Oh really? That sucks. I made eggs for breakfast.
WHAT THE FUCK!! Lol didn’t he know that was a setup to compliment me?? You really throw up the alley-oop for them to slam dunk but they miss so freakin badly. Now you are slightly annoyed because he disappointed you so just save yourself the trouble.
Men are kinda dumb. They miss obvious hints a lot. Just keep that in mind next time he misses his cue.
Guys are definitely not mind readers even though us girls want them to be. If something is bothering you, you have to tell him in clear language.
Don’t skirt around the topic or be scared to share how you’re feeling.
If it bothers you that he ignores you all day, tell him. If you don’t like that your relationship is getting too casual, tell him. If you wanna take things to the next level, tell him!!
Don’t sit there and continue to get your feelings hurt. Life is too short! Talk to him and give him a chance to adjust his behavior. If he doesn’t, see the next point….
DON’T BE AFRAID TO WALK AWAY
So you finally have the “I want a relationship” talk with your guy but he is not with it.
He’s not ready for a relationship. He’s afraid of commitment. He likes having sex with you but doesn’t want to be together for real.
Whatever his reason is …. the ball is essentially in your court now. You can accept being in this almost relationship stage or you can leave and find a man who will actually commit to you.
I highly recommend the latter, girl. It’s no fun being in constant relationship limbo, having your feelings hurt, or having lower expectations because this guy isn’t your actual boyfriend.
Let that mofo go if he can’t commit. At the end of the day, it is his loss.
I hope these talking stage tips help you navigate this modern dating scene better! Share the post if you found it helpful! 🙂
Seriously good advises, thanks for sharing! I’ve been thinking about the same things, good to know that I am not alone 🙂
Where was this blog when I was single! I was in TOO many of these situations.
Kay Zane says
lol I hope you’re never in these situations ever again!
great job on the advice Kay ! I think every girl going through the messy stage of “talking” to someone should read this !
Guys will stop at NOTHING to get what they want – so as long as you remember that fact – have as much fun as you want ! Never invest more than the invest into you.
Great read, Kay ! Thank you !
Kay Zane says
Yeesssss! Louder for the people in the back!
Omg thank you for this! After 8 years of being in a relationship and then 2 years single now is when I’m talking to a guy and I felt soooo lost. Just thank you for this.
This helped so much. I needed someone to talk to me like this, it felt like you were right there
Kay Zane says
Ah! Thank you so much girl. That’s my goal 🙂 Glad it helped!!