Girl, I know exactly why you’re reading this post. You’ve dated, fell in love (or at least incredibly strong lust), cried, fought, broke up, and you’re wondering why your relationships keep going wrong! You’ve probably dealt with your fair share of assholes and fuckboys and just want to know how to improve your dating life once and for all!
I always say the same thing when women complain to me about the shitty guys they date.
You have to do one very important thing to raise your dating standards once and for all. The secret to raising your standards for men is to know your worth. When you know your worth and respect yourself, you’ll immediately kick any guy who doesn’t treat you out of your life.
Your dating standards go way up when you’re happy with yourself and know that you don’t need a man to be happy!
What does it mean to raise your dating standards?
Simply put, your standards are what you are willing to accept from a guy. Your dating standards are the expectations you have for the type of man you allow in your life, from how he treats you to his current employment status. For instance, you may have low standards for a guy when it comes to his job. You may not care if doesn’t have a steady, full-time job or he may have to be making 5 figures for you to give him a second glance.
Your even more important dating standards are how you expect to be treated. You probably have basic expectations for honesty, communication and effort. If he says he will call you, you expect him to follow through!
But, sometimes us ladies are too focused on the end-game…on that imagined future we create in our heads when we start dating a new guy. We want things to work out so BADLY that we compromise and forgive until we are eventually asking for the bare minimum.
One of the greatest mistakes we make when dating is accepting less than we know we deserve. We keep our standards way too low sometimes and these minimal effort men know they can get away with it!
Yea, we have to stop that shit. So when I say raise your dating standards I mean to expect more from the guys you date and dump him if he can’t meet those expectations.
Girl, this is an important post! Keep reading to learn my best tips for raising your standards for men!
Just so ya know: I created an entire book designed to help you learn your worth and upgrade your dating life! Being on dating apps is so exhausting! Constantly talking to guys that turn out to be assholes or only have bad intentions. If you can relate, it may be time for you to take a break from dating so you can work on yourself and learn the shit you should absolutely not tolerate. I gotchu, girl! You will learn the 3 Golden Rules of Dating and will improve your dating life 1000% if you follow them.
1. Get Clear on What You’re Looking For
Write a list of all the qualities you want in a future partner. Think about the big things and little things. Imagine yourself waking up to your perfect guy every morning. How do you feel when you look over at him? What does your normal day look like together? Does it matter if he’s a morning person and you’re not? When you’re writing this list, think about what he looks like, what he values in life and what kind of man he is.
You should also think about things you are unwilling to compromise on. If you’re super religious, maybe you absolutely won’t date an atheist. Or maybe it’s a deal breaker if you want kids and he doesn’t. Whatever the case, actually leave if a guy has one of your deal breakers or they aren’t actually deal breakers, ya feel me?
That said, you will never find a guy who hits every single checkbox but you can get close! When you know what you’re looking for, you can fire the guys who can’t do the job.
2.) Stop Ignoring The Red Flags
Red flags are there for a reason even though it can be tempting to ignore them. Red flags warn you of coming danger. Because, trust me, the red flags you see at the start of a relationship don’t magically disappear. These things can be subtle, like running 30 minutes late for your first few dates or glaringly obvious like getting really angry or disrespectful.
No matter how big or small, don’t ignore these red flags. I am BEGGING you! You hold on to guys when you see red flags because you’re scared you won’t find better. Or you feel like you’ve invested your time in this guy and you want a return on your investment. Or the biggest time-waster of them all…you think you can change him to be the guy you want him to be.
It took me years to grasp this very simple concept. A guy only changes when HE wants to. You cannot change him or control him. The only thing you can control is you and how you behave. So, if you’re seeing red flags you should definitely address it. Once. If after that you see not change in his behavior, it is time to dip!
3.) Build a Relationship on Trust
It’s as simple as that. You spend your entire relationship building trust with someone, but it can be shattered in mere seconds. If a guy breaks your trust that should be the end of the relationship. I don’t understand how people can stay together when they don’t trust each other at all. I always say once a cheater, always a cheater. You deserve a guy who will never cheat on you or betray your trust in such a major way.
Besides the obvious breach of trust like cheating, watch out for guys who are shady or dishonest. If your guy flips out on you for reaching for his phone, he’s not the one, sis. I understand the need for privacy but you should be able to use your boyfriend’s phone without him being worried you’ll see something you shouldn’t. Say it with me…trust or bust!
4. He Should Match Your Energy and Effort
If you feel like you’re the only one putting in effort, he is not the one for you. If you’re always the one initiating conversations or making the plans to hang out, that is not it. You should not be chasing any man or be trying so hard to keep a guy interested.
Further, it’s also not good enough if he’s not treating you as well as you treat him. The interest level should match. He should like you more than you like him even! Your partner should want to take care of you as much as you do for them. Raise the bar you set for these men! Don’t stick around with a guy who has you thinking, “Wow, I would never do that to him…” He should be treating you with kindness, respect and care. Remember, if a guy wants to do something he will! If he’s not matching your energy, he does not truly want you, sis.
5. Pay Attention to How He Talks About Other Women
If every one of their exes are crazy, if all their sisters are awful, if they call their mother bad names, how do you think he is going to talk about you?
I actually learned this lesson the hard way with my toxic ex. Early on, he would tell me what a bitch his mom was and quickly noticed that they had a terrible relationship. I remember being shocked that he would call his mom names to her face because I would never disrespect my mother like that!
But, alas, I was young and dumb and ignored this waving red flag! He ended up talking to me exactly how he would talk to his mother. It was late so clear that he did not respect women and it was definitely rooted in his #mommyissues. Long story short, date a guy who respects his mother!
Now you’ll also come across men who are obsessed with their mom…a little too much. They’ll compare you to her and lowkey want you to baby them like their mother. Girl, you don’t have time to deal with all that. A relationship should be a partnership. You’re not a mommy-son duo lmao! As soon as you see you’re dating a man-child, break up with him!
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6. Don’t Worry About Wasted Time
We all know the girl who has been with the same guy for years but doesn’t even know why any more. He treats her poorly, they’re always fighting, and neither of them seem very happy. Yet, they continue to ride their emotional rollercoaster of a relationship.
Don’t be that girl.
A lot of times we can get stuck in believing “well I’ve spent 2 years with this man, I can’t give up on this. I can make it work.” Even if it has been 10 years, you deserve to be truly happy!! So don’t get all caught up in “wasted time.”
Reframe your thinking if you have this wasted time problem. You invested 2 years with him and see that it’s not working so don’t make it 3 wasted years! The longer you wait around accepting unhappiness the less time you’ll have with the actual love of your life.
7. Work on Self-Love
I once heard a speaker say something like “if you love yourself only 50% and someone comes around and loves you 70%, it’s going to feel like a lot.”
You have to love yourself 100% to know if you’re getting that true amount of TLC you deserve. You can’t have high standards for someone else’s love if you don’t know what that feels like. Self-love will also get you out of relationships that don’t benefit you because you respect yourself and your time too much. When you know you’re a fucking diamond, you won’t allow a guy to treat you like coal.
My book the 30-Day F*ckboy Clease is a 30-day break from dating, Tinder and fuckboys. You’re here reading this article, so you probably have some work to do when it comes to your dating life. Stop obsessively swiping, going on mediocre dates with mediocre men and allowing men to mistreat you!
The 30-Day F*ckboy Cleanse will teach you everything you need to know about the importance of loving yourself and winning the dating game. I always find it interesting that we have no problem dropping money on clothes or dinners but not on our emotional wellness! Your love life affects your mental health and happiness so come learn how to make it amazing!
As always, reach out if you have at questions! firstname.lastname@example.org